There's so much to report since Sunday, but to sum things up: it's been an emotional rollercoaster. Between all of the leads, coincindences, positive IDs and negative IDs, I'm exhausted. I went to bed on Tuesday night sobbing all over again. It was that gut-wrenching despair that can only be relieved by talking to my Mom, and so I called her. I knew in my head that the money would have to work out if the bike isn't found or if insurance doesn't cover it. It won't take months to pay for it, but years.
What I was more upset about was the disappointment in knowing that my dream time would not be realized in two weeks at the Whirlpool Half Ironman in Michigan without this bike. It felt so unfair to me, like my pride was stolen. I know that finishing a Half Ironman is a great accomplishment, but I've trained not only to finish, but to nail down a solid time near or even under 6 hours. My ride on that course last sunday was a glimpse into how fast my time could really be with the best bike.
My Mom, as always, said the perfect thing. "But, Lori, that bike was not your bike. It wouldn't be a true reflection of who you are if you got that time on that bike. Yes, it would be exciting and yes you would gain a new level of recognition, but this is all more than you ever expected." She went on to say she understands how hard it must be for someone who is so competitive to have that element of being the best in reach but then taken away. More importantly, though, she reminded me that it is always more important to be our true selves when faced with that challenge, rather than wanting to be someone else. If it was my carbon triathlon bike that was stolen, then, yes, that would be my identity taken as well. However, it was not. I was immediately calmed by her words and, just like that, I was able to reconnect with all of my hard work on my old bike and appreciating how far I have come from it.
As I write this, 2 more guys are in custody. It's very hard to say if anything will come of it, but I wanted to be sure to share the full circle of accepting myself in all of this. It will always be tempting to buy MY first carbon triathlon bike, and I know I will someday in the future because I do want to keep moving up as a competitor. However, the world will actually not come to an end if I race on my older road bike instead of a beautiful carbon triathlon bike. My time may reflect an extra 30-45 minutes, but the world will not come to an end. In fact, it will just remind me how far I've come in all of this training, in so many ways.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Week 25 Updates
I don't know where to start on this one, exactly. This entry will certainly be bitter sweet. My coach graciously allowed me to use her Cervelo P2C time trial triathlon bike one week ago through the rest of the season. It has a completely upgraded derailleur systems and shifters that are Dura Ace, the highest quality, as she has raced this bike as Pro at Kona twice with a 10:30 time. It's value is around $4,000-$5,000. It was stolen today off my bike rack less than 5 minutes after I checked on it from a local restaurant in Wicker Park. If I were fortunate enough to own this bike, I would consider it my prized posession. It is by far the most valuable item I have even had stolen and likely will ever have stolen in my life. I am now faced with not only coming up with $4-5,000 but for something that is not even mine. To say it is heartbreaking does not even come close.
I have been sobbing uncontrollably for hours now since filing the police and insurance reports knowing that it will likely not be covered under insurance because it is not owned by me. As I was sobbing even in the shower tonight, it occured to me that writing about the ride of my life this morning would at least allow me to forever savor the experience that this bike gave me this morning as I trained for my Half Ironman race in Michigan, which is in less than two weeks.
First of all, I would like to preface this story by expressing how grateful I am that all of my training to date has been the hard way. Sweat and tears. Yes, I have a fairly nice Trek road bike, but it is aluminum with only a carbon fork and it's not the right size for me, which subsequently compromises my performance. This is my third season in triathlon, and the first full season I have trained with a coach for the past 9 months. If I had a dollar for every times a fellow teammate suggested I move up to a triathlon bike for speed, I'd be able to pay off this stolen one in a heartbeat. You hear it along the way at some point, but it's true: you can only be as fast as the money you put into your bike. You want speed? Pay up. Well, you don't have to be in triathlon long to realize that triathlon is quickly becoming the sport of 30-somethings who have more money than they know what to do with- mostly attorneys, MBA guys, physicians (believe it or not, this sport is so addicting that even ER residents with newborns find time to train for Ironman at the elite level). I, very unfortunately, am not one of the independently wealthy :) Thus, the official all-carbon triathlon time trial bike purchase is way down on the needs-list but absolutely #1 on the wants-list.
Anyway, back to why I am so grateful I trained the old-school way of sweat and tears on my alumninum road bike. IT MADE ME WORK MY ASS OFF. I have been busting my ass in training since October to catch my friends who are riding at least 5-7 mph faster than me on their carbon triathlon bikes. Just to put things in perspective: 5-7 mph faster in Ironman over the course of 112 miles is equivalent to 2-2.5 HOURS OFF YOUR TIME. That is insane- 33% FASTER. It could be the difference in qualifying for Kona, literally. Now you see what money can buy.
I have been pestering Liz for a few months now to sell me her Cervelo. No dice still, but she did offer to rent it to me starting last week until Ironman Wisconsin on September 12th. She also offered to lend me her race wheels (another $2-3,000) and her aero helmet. You can substract at least another 20 minutes from my estimated finish time thanks to these upgrades. My first ride on it last week was shaky at best. I took it for a short ride up and down Hoyne Avenue, right in front of my condo. As if riding it up and down the same 4 blocks 10 times would make it a safer ride than just riding it 2 miles in one direction then turning around. Actually, though, the fact that I was so scared is because riding a triathlon bike is MUCH different than riding an aluminum road bike. First of all, the frame has a much more aggressive seat and aerobar angle compared to riding a road bike with clip-on aerobars like my own. You initially have less control of the bike because your center of gravity is much smaller. There is no room for error. Add to this scenario that the bike is so light that the smallest divet in the road can easliy send you in a tailspin face-planted into the road. My first impression was "holy shit." You better believe I am not going any further than up and down these 4 blocks!
I then took it for a second ride 2 nights later on the south lakefront path. Much less pedestrian/rollerblade/stroller/IPOD runners in the way to dart around plus there are a few inclines and hopefully 10-15 miles of riding I could do fairly interrupted. Well, it was better, but still not great. I hardly rode in the aero bars, which defeats the whole purpose of riding a time trial carbon triathlon bike. Plus, the path is narrow and it was too scary to navigate most of the pavement variation and people I came across. 90% of that 45-minute test ride was upright, not in the aeros. I go home that night thinking I will possibly give it one more try when I ride in Michigan, which was today. It was a big risk to take because I was also trying to get an estimated finish time for this course that I'll be racing on in 2 weeks. I had to have enough nerve to go out there with this bike for 56 miles (not 4 blocks), on a 2-lane highway for most of the course, and not only ride it to just get by, but ride it to hammer it. Hmmmm. It doesn't get riskier than that. All right, riding a new bike for the first time at a race may be the only riskier decision out there :)
So, I do it. I am one of those people that thinks things through, but very quickly, and then can pull the trigger and stick with it come hell or high water. I decided on friday, I am bringing the Cervelo to Michigan and I will kick ass with it. And, that's exactly what happened. From 10 feet out of the parking lot, I get in the aeros and stay there. I stay there on the highway, I stay there through some construction zones dodging neon orange cones, I stay there as I learn for the first time how to really use the shifters, I stay there on the climbs, and I stay there on the descents. Last year at this time, I averaged 15 mph on this same course. I look down at the computer- 20 mph average. 20 MPH AVERAGE!!!!!!!!!! WHAT!!!!!!!!!! And, I can feel that I am flying. On the climbs, when I would normally be cranking out 10-13mph, I was now hammering out a minimum of 18mph, uphill. On the flats, 22-23.5 mph for miles and miles and miles at a time. The sound of my wheels cutting through the air and the feeling of the speed on my skin was pure heaven. The ride was so smooth, like silk. I couldn't believe what was happening. Every rpm, every mile, was like a dream. I can't explain it. When you train as hard as I have been since October, you do it all for a moment like this. I would compare it to the day I defended my Master's Thesis. No one can understand what an individual goes through during 2 years of hard core research, writing, research, re-writing, collecting date, analyzing data, tweaking date, re-writing, re-submitting. It's not worth it to tell people you slept on the research lab sofa several nights a week because it doesn't matter. What matters is the final product, which you don't know until your defense day. 2 years of this quiet sacrificing and then suddenly a standing ovation at your Thesis defense. That's how I felt today on this bike. 9 months of busting my ass 6 days a week and sometimes 7. For an amatuer triathlete, your time is what it is usually. But when you bust your ass for 9 months then the true test of caliber comes when someone hands you a Cervelo and says, "Now let's see what you can REALLY do," then that is the thesis defense and an average of 20mph for a Half Ironman distance is the standing ovation. It is the difference between doing this for fun and doing this as an athlete on an elite triathlon team. I want the latter.
I'm not sure where this will all take me. I went from realizing my true potential as a future podium contender and daydreaming for a full 3 hours that this dream is going to be a reality in just 2 weeks as I race this same course for future consideration as an elite triathlete to having it all pulled out from under me. The money it will take to replace Liz's bike is one thing but the fact that I will not have this speed advantage at either of these races I have killed myself for since October is devastating. Yes, I might say I don't give a shit next year and just buy this same bike for myself but it will be put on a growing credit card from this sport. More concerning, is that I will be another year behind in a sport that favors being identified as soon as possible. I was about to say "only time will tell," but actually your attitude trumps all else. Even time. If you ask me what I will do, I'll tell you that regardless of what happens with losing $5,000 for someone else's bike, I will continue to bust my ass on my aluminum bike because it got me here in the first place and I'm smart enough to realize that. Consider it more drag for training, In the end, I will do it.
I have been sobbing uncontrollably for hours now since filing the police and insurance reports knowing that it will likely not be covered under insurance because it is not owned by me. As I was sobbing even in the shower tonight, it occured to me that writing about the ride of my life this morning would at least allow me to forever savor the experience that this bike gave me this morning as I trained for my Half Ironman race in Michigan, which is in less than two weeks.
First of all, I would like to preface this story by expressing how grateful I am that all of my training to date has been the hard way. Sweat and tears. Yes, I have a fairly nice Trek road bike, but it is aluminum with only a carbon fork and it's not the right size for me, which subsequently compromises my performance. This is my third season in triathlon, and the first full season I have trained with a coach for the past 9 months. If I had a dollar for every times a fellow teammate suggested I move up to a triathlon bike for speed, I'd be able to pay off this stolen one in a heartbeat. You hear it along the way at some point, but it's true: you can only be as fast as the money you put into your bike. You want speed? Pay up. Well, you don't have to be in triathlon long to realize that triathlon is quickly becoming the sport of 30-somethings who have more money than they know what to do with- mostly attorneys, MBA guys, physicians (believe it or not, this sport is so addicting that even ER residents with newborns find time to train for Ironman at the elite level). I, very unfortunately, am not one of the independently wealthy :) Thus, the official all-carbon triathlon time trial bike purchase is way down on the needs-list but absolutely #1 on the wants-list.
Anyway, back to why I am so grateful I trained the old-school way of sweat and tears on my alumninum road bike. IT MADE ME WORK MY ASS OFF. I have been busting my ass in training since October to catch my friends who are riding at least 5-7 mph faster than me on their carbon triathlon bikes. Just to put things in perspective: 5-7 mph faster in Ironman over the course of 112 miles is equivalent to 2-2.5 HOURS OFF YOUR TIME. That is insane- 33% FASTER. It could be the difference in qualifying for Kona, literally. Now you see what money can buy.
I have been pestering Liz for a few months now to sell me her Cervelo. No dice still, but she did offer to rent it to me starting last week until Ironman Wisconsin on September 12th. She also offered to lend me her race wheels (another $2-3,000) and her aero helmet. You can substract at least another 20 minutes from my estimated finish time thanks to these upgrades. My first ride on it last week was shaky at best. I took it for a short ride up and down Hoyne Avenue, right in front of my condo. As if riding it up and down the same 4 blocks 10 times would make it a safer ride than just riding it 2 miles in one direction then turning around. Actually, though, the fact that I was so scared is because riding a triathlon bike is MUCH different than riding an aluminum road bike. First of all, the frame has a much more aggressive seat and aerobar angle compared to riding a road bike with clip-on aerobars like my own. You initially have less control of the bike because your center of gravity is much smaller. There is no room for error. Add to this scenario that the bike is so light that the smallest divet in the road can easliy send you in a tailspin face-planted into the road. My first impression was "holy shit." You better believe I am not going any further than up and down these 4 blocks!
I then took it for a second ride 2 nights later on the south lakefront path. Much less pedestrian/rollerblade/stroller/IPOD runners in the way to dart around plus there are a few inclines and hopefully 10-15 miles of riding I could do fairly interrupted. Well, it was better, but still not great. I hardly rode in the aero bars, which defeats the whole purpose of riding a time trial carbon triathlon bike. Plus, the path is narrow and it was too scary to navigate most of the pavement variation and people I came across. 90% of that 45-minute test ride was upright, not in the aeros. I go home that night thinking I will possibly give it one more try when I ride in Michigan, which was today. It was a big risk to take because I was also trying to get an estimated finish time for this course that I'll be racing on in 2 weeks. I had to have enough nerve to go out there with this bike for 56 miles (not 4 blocks), on a 2-lane highway for most of the course, and not only ride it to just get by, but ride it to hammer it. Hmmmm. It doesn't get riskier than that. All right, riding a new bike for the first time at a race may be the only riskier decision out there :)
So, I do it. I am one of those people that thinks things through, but very quickly, and then can pull the trigger and stick with it come hell or high water. I decided on friday, I am bringing the Cervelo to Michigan and I will kick ass with it. And, that's exactly what happened. From 10 feet out of the parking lot, I get in the aeros and stay there. I stay there on the highway, I stay there through some construction zones dodging neon orange cones, I stay there as I learn for the first time how to really use the shifters, I stay there on the climbs, and I stay there on the descents. Last year at this time, I averaged 15 mph on this same course. I look down at the computer- 20 mph average. 20 MPH AVERAGE!!!!!!!!!! WHAT!!!!!!!!!! And, I can feel that I am flying. On the climbs, when I would normally be cranking out 10-13mph, I was now hammering out a minimum of 18mph, uphill. On the flats, 22-23.5 mph for miles and miles and miles at a time. The sound of my wheels cutting through the air and the feeling of the speed on my skin was pure heaven. The ride was so smooth, like silk. I couldn't believe what was happening. Every rpm, every mile, was like a dream. I can't explain it. When you train as hard as I have been since October, you do it all for a moment like this. I would compare it to the day I defended my Master's Thesis. No one can understand what an individual goes through during 2 years of hard core research, writing, research, re-writing, collecting date, analyzing data, tweaking date, re-writing, re-submitting. It's not worth it to tell people you slept on the research lab sofa several nights a week because it doesn't matter. What matters is the final product, which you don't know until your defense day. 2 years of this quiet sacrificing and then suddenly a standing ovation at your Thesis defense. That's how I felt today on this bike. 9 months of busting my ass 6 days a week and sometimes 7. For an amatuer triathlete, your time is what it is usually. But when you bust your ass for 9 months then the true test of caliber comes when someone hands you a Cervelo and says, "Now let's see what you can REALLY do," then that is the thesis defense and an average of 20mph for a Half Ironman distance is the standing ovation. It is the difference between doing this for fun and doing this as an athlete on an elite triathlon team. I want the latter.
I'm not sure where this will all take me. I went from realizing my true potential as a future podium contender and daydreaming for a full 3 hours that this dream is going to be a reality in just 2 weeks as I race this same course for future consideration as an elite triathlete to having it all pulled out from under me. The money it will take to replace Liz's bike is one thing but the fact that I will not have this speed advantage at either of these races I have killed myself for since October is devastating. Yes, I might say I don't give a shit next year and just buy this same bike for myself but it will be put on a growing credit card from this sport. More concerning, is that I will be another year behind in a sport that favors being identified as soon as possible. I was about to say "only time will tell," but actually your attitude trumps all else. Even time. If you ask me what I will do, I'll tell you that regardless of what happens with losing $5,000 for someone else's bike, I will continue to bust my ass on my aluminum bike because it got me here in the first place and I'm smart enough to realize that. Consider it more drag for training, In the end, I will do it.
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